I heard rustling coming from my supply bag, but in my sleepy state I decided to ignore it. Turns out it was a chubby, little boy eating my rations. He ate all of them in a single bite.
He then deftly jumped from branch to branch and left behind him a wake of broken branches. The child came all the way from the Easternlings to avenge his father. Jeff felt compassion on the child and decided to have him join our party (Ha! Like our party’s the safest to be in).
We continued on to Aethor. Our path was blocked by a raised draw bridge and a particularly unhappy gnome-ess. Upon finding that the Duke was in our company (no thanks to that child), she refused to let us pass. Bato left us and crossed the bridge on his own while Maya found an old baker friend who had a terrible speech impediment. He brought us a cake which we hid the Duke under. We crossed the bridge while Bato distracted the guards and gnome-ess.
I tried to suggest that we might find disguises but as per usual no one listened. Instead (as per usual), we got in a scuffle with some guards. Oliver crushed them with his scythe, but gingerly so as not to kill them. Hastily, we hurried inside to escape the prying eyes (and horrified screams) of the common folk.
Inside the inner courts, I scanned the room looking for the Lady Penelo. No one in my group could find her, but I did recognize one face – Sarai. I let out a sigh and went to greet her. Her voice scraped against my soul like a violin poorly played. A minute of her talking and I already wish I had died on our last adventure. Another screeching joined the mix as Lady Penelo’s child, Annoying, made an appearance along with Penelo herself on an electric lute.
In my desperation to make it all stop, I pulled the flute from my bag, and I heard clearly the shopkeeper’s voice, “Only use it in a dire situation!”. I brought the flute my lips and played a deafening blow. Sarai screamed at her beau asking if he could hear her; it looked like I had used my flute in vain. At that exact moment, the obese child used his Kung-fu on Sarai’s vocal chords and her voice was no more. I looked at the child and a tear came to my eye. “Thank you, Johnny” I said as we high-fived.
Everyone stared as a giant salamander crashed through the wall! Lady Penelo replied in kind by summoning a giant white dragon. My flute did not look like it could hold up against her electric lute that is until I plugged it in and a music battle of great proportions ensued.
In the mean time, Oliver, Maya, and Bato were keeping the guards from me so I could fight. Oliver used his scythe to slice a man in half while Maya stealthily used her dagger to remove a man’s trachea. Bato sent a volley of arrows and wounded many soldiers. But a new platoon of dragoons with cannons quickly took their place.
We used out instruments to control our creatures. I proved my greater musical abilities by commanding my salamander to chomp down of the dragon’s neck. In retaliation, the dragon stomped down on my salamader’s head. Luckily, salamander’s are quite slimy and it easily maneuvers out. Salamander then bitch slaps the dragon with its tail, leaving its backside open. The dragon returned the blow.
Johnny drank a whole punch bowl of alcohol, and used new found drunken kung-fu to toss Oliver at the dragoons. Oliver had created a new contraption by tying his scythe to the dolphin cleric’s fishing rod; he swung his new weapon taking out everyone in sight.
Bato grabbed the cannons and with Ico’s help launched a volley of cannon fire at the dragon successfully killing it.
I high-fived the salamander and it was the most perfect of high-fives, so perfect in fact that the salamander let me keep the flute for one more use.
We got honored and what not.